The Three T's of Relationship Building

Trust

Time

Transparency

When we talk about friendship, we are really talking about relationships. God, family, community, marriage, friendships are all about relationships. Developing relationships is a skill, and like learning any skill, it demands time, thought, and practice.

The idea of one person interacting with another is as old as the story of man. In Genesis, chapter 2, God introduced human fellowship with the creation of Adam and Eve. God said: “It is not good that the man should be alone.” (Gen 2:18). God never intended for people to live all by themselves. They need to associate with others and live in fellowship with one another. In this case God gave Adam a wife, and so began the human race.

Two wonderful Biblical examples of deep and lasting relationships outside of marriage are found in the life stories of Ruth and Naomi and Jonathan and David.

How do we go about establishing meaningful relationships? Listed are some rules from Susan Dietz’s column in the San Mateo Time (November 7, 1979):

1. Don’t cross boundaries that the other person might have.
2. Allow the other person to be himself/herself.
3. Decide which characteristics in the other person you can accept, and those you cannot. To do this, before you enter a close relationship you must be clear regarding your own goals.
4. Try to make it clear to the other person what you are thinking and feeling. To accomplish this, you must understand your own thoughts and feelings.
5. Try not to have irrational expectations of the other person. Do not try to change him/her in major ways.
6. Take responsibility for your own actions and your own life. Make your decisions for yourself and take responsibility for doing so.
7. Above all, be kind, courteous, and respectful.

They are some pretty good suggestions. The book of Proverbs says, "there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother (Pr. 18:24 NIV). Jesus said, "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit — fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other." (Jn 15:12-17 NIV)